Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
