Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So much rum. So many feels.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
