So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
