I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
