The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
