Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
