Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
