You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
