i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
