What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
