i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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