So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
