If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
