just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I checked into jail on foursquare
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
