If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
