Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
