she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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