There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
