She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
