I love black thongs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
