But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
