Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
