I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
