What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
