I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think my moral compass just broke
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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