Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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