To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
