apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
