Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
