My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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