there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
