the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
