don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
