he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
