bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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