I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
