I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
