im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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