im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
