I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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