i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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