new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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