Acid is not a monday night drug
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
