Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
