yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
