I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
