8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
