and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
