Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
