Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
