You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
