where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
