Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
