My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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