I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
