You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
